You see those chocolate ads?
The one where a river of chocolate flows slow-motion into a container or shape.
The whole ad is set in what looks like a Wonka factory.
Everyone in the ad is smiling confidently.
Nothing goes wrong.
(I suppose it’s hard for anything to go wrong when things move slo-mo.)
And they have all the time in the world.
Throw in some happy and healthy-looking animals and plants, and you have a Utopian wonderland where sweets and other types of processed foods are not made in smoke-belching factories, but magically produced from cloud-driven, Greta Thunberg approved Rube Goldberg contraptions.
That’s not how it works in real life.
I mean, I bought a Balzano food processor online for mixing my nut butter, and I broke it within half an hour of switching it on the first time.
I can’t blame Balzano. I think I overloaded the machine slightly.
But it’s weaker than I thought it would be.
They graciously replaced the busted parts for free, though, so I’m grateful for that.
But things go wrong in real life.
I sometimes wish my life was an ad.
Then there’s the mess.
It’s nut butter everywhere.
But before that, it’s raw ingredients.
It’s macadamia nuts spilling all over, cashews, dried banana chips. Everything.
Once you start mixing and pouring over into a container so you can fill up jars, it’s nut butter all over your hands.
There’s no confidence, either.
I’m not pouring all of these ingredients into a bowl in slow motion, looking through my pince-nez glasses, a smile curved into my mouth.
I’m pouring with one hand and keeping things from spilling all over everywhere with the other, cringing when an ingredient falls to the floor, since the five-second rule does not apply when you make a top quality nut butter.
Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy making nut butter. It allows me to switch off and grind out, two important things for a man to do, and if you can combine them, even better.
And seeing people enjoy Lush Yummy nut butter makes it worth it.
It really is good to see people enjoying something you sweated over (but not into, so don’t stress about that).
But it’s a messy affair.
Don’t take it for granted next time you stick a spoon into your nut butter.
Turn that spoon in your hand and gaze at the nut butter from all angles, and realise that it took effort to get it there.
And then dig in and stuff yourself.