When I see that sort of claim on a website, I imagine some dude wearing a white jacket, horn-rimmed glasses perched on his nose, a smile edging his mouth, his hand sifting through some exotic ingredient.
All of this takes place in slow motion, with the Gladiator theme song oozing from the background.
Then I think: ain’t nobody got time for that!
This nut butter needs to get out of my kitchen, into your mouth and onto your taste buds.
I don’t have time to carefully open containers, gently pour ingredients and softly tap the mix button on the food processor.
It’s: rip open the bags of nuts, weigh them quickly, mix in the other ingredients, chuck it into the food processor, twist that puppy all the way to eleven, start the timer and stand there egging on the food processor to go quicker so I can get to the next batch.
This stuff is not crafted with love; it’s hammered together with impatience.
That’s because there’s a nest full of chicks that need feeding, and mommy ain’t got no time to mess around.
But does it suck?
Does that mean my nut butter sucks?
Well, only if you eat it with a spoon, and you refuse to let even a little bit of this delish remain when you’re done with said spoon.
But technically, that’s you sucking on nut butter, not the nut butter sucking.
Speed does not necessarily equate to lesser quality.
Just because I can bring a nut butter to the market in good time does not mean it’s a bad product.
I just don’t have time to make it look like I made it with the love and attention I do.
But yes, I suppose it is made with love. At the very least, with careful attention to detail.
Just don’t want to sound GAYEE about it.