A monumental move for mouthwatering, munch-worthy mut butter

I desperately needed that headline to alliterate, even though it makes no sense, or only makes sense to Guangdongese people.
a monumental move for mouthwatering, munch worthy mut butter

That is TOTAL clickbait. (The featured image too, BTW. Spun up using Google Gemini. Muhahaha!)

The word, mut (spelt wrong too, nogal), should be nut, but then it doesn’t alliterate as lekker as it could.

I have some newsworthy… news (I guess is the right word).

Lush Yummy has entered into an agreement with a nut butter manufacturer.

The deal comes after a prominent Jeffreys Bay resident, known by at least three people (and his parents), approached the owner of Lush Yummy (known by two people and his mom) with a manufacturing deal.

The owner of Lush Yummy realised he’d need the help of a team of skilled lawyers to draw up a contract, then realised that the words, skilled and lawyers, prolly don’t belong in the same sentence, and dismissed the thought, instead opting for that titan of legalese, and the one poised to take over everything, ChatGPT.

After what must have felt like years to the contractor, the owner finally produced a contract completely spun up using Chat, but nevertheless made the owner of Lush Yummy feel sierjaslie intele… intalli… inteli… clever.

The agreement could not come at a better time, since the owner did not have time anymore to make the nut butter that was slowly but surely taking over tastebuds in a radius of at least five metres from where he stayed before he left Jeffreys Bay.

This epic move (of getting a nut butter contractor on board, not moving out of Jeffreys Bay), which surely will have at least half a block of residents buzzing for at least ten minutes, could prove to be a major financial boost to at least one whole person, possibly two, within the next twenty years.

Lush Yummy welcomes aboard the new nut butter contractor, whom forthwith shall be producing a nut butter so good, not even Comic Sans can break it.

He’s a Jeffreys Bay local, and an avid runner who believes that driving cars is for chicks and sissies. Actually, he might still be saving up for a car, so I’d need to be fact-checked on that. Proper fact-checked, not ABC News-style fact-checked.

This local is of the opinion that Lush Yummy nut butter is perfect for athletes, and considers it his moral duty to continue the legacy built up by the owner of Lush Yummy over a period of yonks (give or take a yonk or two).

If you live in Jeffreys Bay and know a Nicky, Niekie, Knicky, Nikolai, Nicholas, Nike, Nick, or Nikesh, approach him and furtively ask him if he’s now making a sierjaslie good nut butter. If not, get hold of the real Nickie and ask for Lush Yummy nut butter by name.

We look forward to getting you and your family hooked on Lush Yummy nut butter, and seeing the positive effect our product should have on your life. Unless you have it with McDonald’s. Nothing positive can come from that.